I just... I don't even know, you know? Like, it's 2 AM and I can't sleep, which is pretty normal these days, but tonight it feels different. It’s like, a *good* different? Which sounds SO messed up to say, but I just… I have to say it somewhere. Nobody else gets it. Or they pretend not to. So, the whole thing with someone in my family, you know, it’s been going on for like, years now. But it really ramped up these last few months. Every single day, it was something new. Like, I’d come home from my lecture, totally wiped from the drive and trying to keep my GPA up, and there would be… a mess. Or a phone call from the neighbors about him wandering around in his slippers at 3 PM, asking for a ride to “work.” And I’d have to go over there, drop everything, and like, gently talk him back inside. Sometimes it took almost an hour, sometimes longer. And then he’d just stare at me, like I was a stranger. That was the worst part, honestly. Last week, though, like, everything just kind of hit a wall. He fell, like, a bad fall this time. Not just a stumble, you know? And the paramedics were there and everything, and it was just... chaos. My mom was crying, my brother was useless, and I was the one making all the calls, signing all the papers, trying to explain to the nurses what had been going on. And even then, I still had to call him every few hours from the hospital to remind him where he was and why he was there. It was just non-stop. For three days, I think I got like, maybe four hours of sleep total. Seriously. And then, yesterday, after everything, they moved him. To that place. The hospice. And I drove home, after sitting there for hours, just watching him sleep, and it was so quiet in the house. Like, REALLY quiet. Usually, I’m just waiting for the phone to ring, or the alarm system to go off, or whatever. But it didn't. And I sat on the couch, just watching some dumb show, and I realized… I wasn’t tense anymore. My shoulders weren't up to my ears. I didn't have that knot in my stomach. I actually… relaxed. And I felt this huge, HUGE wave of relief just wash over me. Like, I could finally breathe. And then I felt like, the WORST person ever. Like, how could I feel relieved? This is my dad, you know? He’s literally… *there*. And I’m just sitting here, feeling like a weight has been lifted. It just feels so… selfish. And messed up. But also, it’s true. It’s exactly how I feel. And I can’t tell anyone in real life because they’d all look at me like I’m a monster. But I just needed to say it. I’m relieved. And I think that makes me a terrible person. But I also feel like, I can finally maybe get a full night's sleep tonight. Or, like, tomorrow. I don’t know. This is just… a lot.