I don't know if this even counts as a confession, maybe it's just... I guess, like, an observation? But I had my thesis defense today, finally. After, like, I dunno, feels like a decade. All those years of barely scraping by, the ramen noodles, the credit card debt piling up because "art is important," right? My parents bless their hearts, they never *got* it, but they always sent fifty bucks when they could. So yeah, big day. And I was there, answering questions about my "contribution to the field," all very serious and academic-y. And I was doing okay, I think. Sounded smart, probably. But my hands, man. They just wouldn't stop shaking. So I just, like, instinctively clasped them behind my back. Held them there tight. So they couldn't see. And it wasn't even a conscious thing, really. It was just, like, a gut reaction. *Hide the distress.* Porque I couldn't let them see. Not after all this. Not after all the fuss and the pushing and the sacrificing and the "you're so talented." And I got through it, I guess. Passed. They all shook my hand and said congratulations and one of them even said something about "a promising career ahead." And I smiled, I'm pretty sure I smiled. But inside it was just... flat. Like a really old soda. No bubbles, just kinda syrupy and…nothing. Like, that was it? This thing I've been working for, bled for, for so long, and it just…happened. I just thought maybe I’d feel something, you know? Like, RELIEF, or joy, or even just a little bit of pride. But it was just the shaking hands and the hollow feeling. And now I'm supposed to go out and be this "artist" or "scholar" or whatever. And I don't know if I even *want* to. I just feel kinda… tired. Like maybe I chased the wrong dream, or like it was never my dream to begin with. I don't know. I think maybe I just want to sleep for a week. Or draw something that isn't for a committee. Something... just for me. But then what? More ramen, I guess. Always more ramen.