i don’t know if this even counts as a real confession or whatever but i just feel like a fucking fraud all the time now and i have nowhere else to say it without like everyone getting all mad at me or whatever i’m supposed to be like a writer right that’s what i do it’s my job and it’s how i pay my rent and buy food and everything and for like YEARS it was fine i was good at it i was like FAST and everyone would be like oh my god how do you get so much done all the time and i used to just shrug and be like shrug it’s nothing but like it kinda was something because i was actually good at it but now it’s just gone i think maybe it just evaporated or something because like it takes me FOREVER to do anything now like if an assignment used to take me like three hours or whatever now it’s like SIX or SEVEN hours and i’m still not even done with it i just stare at the screen and my brain feels all fuzzy and empty like there’s a fog in there and i just can’t like put the words together you know i just sit there for hours feeling like i’m gonna cry because i just don’t understand why it’s so hard now it used to be so easy and like people are starting to notice i think because i’m like late on stuff sometimes and i have to apologize and make up excuses about like my internet acting weird or my cat threw up or whatever and they’re like totally cool about it but i can tell they’re getting annoyed like once my editor was like "you sure everything’s okay you seem a little off lately" and i just made some bullshit excuse about being tired or something but inside i was like SCREAMING because i just felt so much shame because it’s my JOB to do this and i can’t do my job anymore and it’s not like i can just quit or something because this is how i make money i don’t have like a boss or a regular paycheck or anything i just get paid for the work i do and if i can’t do the work then i can’t pay for anything and then what like i’ll just be homeless or something and my parents would be so disappointed because they always tell everyone i’m a writer and i’m so successful and they’re so proud and i just feel like such a piece of shit because i’m lying to everyone all the time and i don’t know what to do i just feel so stuck