I don't even know why I'm writing this, just... it's 2 AM and I can't sleep and my brain won't shut up. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I'm a complete idiot or if this is just... a thing that happens. Like, am I supposed to feel this way? Or am I just completely out of touch with what's normal? Probably the latter, honestly. Being a graphic designer is supposed to be creative and fun, right? Not... whatever this is. So, Friday afternoon, like 4:30 PM, practically the end of the day. Sarah – she’s a Senior Designer, like, five years my senior maybe – walks over to my desk, all smiles and apologetic glances. “Hey, so sorry to do this, but the client just dropped a MASSIVE design overhaul on us for Project Zenith. They need it, like, Monday morning, first thing. And I’m totally swamped with the Kestrel pitch. Any chance you could... lend a hand?” Lend a hand. Like I’m just casually helping her carry groceries. This isn't lending a hand. This is taking on her ENTIRE project because she's "swamped." And I know she's got a fancy weekend trip planned. I know. And the thing is, I had plans. REAL plans. This was the weekend for my family reunion. First one in like, three years. My mom’s side, everyone was going to be there. My little one was SO excited to see all the cousins. We’ve been talking about it for WEEKS. Packing was already done, the car seat was in, snacks were bought. Everything. And I just... I heard myself say "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem, happy to help out." What the FUCK is wrong with me? I just... couldn't say no. I thought if I said no, I'd be seen as uncooperative. Not a team player. DIFFICULT, maybe. And God forbid I be difficult. I'm already juggling daycare pickups, my mom's doctor appointments, trying to keep the house from becoming a biohazard... I can't also be difficult at work. I just CAN'T. So here I am, staring at Photoshop artboards at 2 AM, the entire house silent except for the hum of my laptop. My kid's probably dreaming about splashing in the lake with their cousins right now. And I’m just… here. Redesigning this goddamn banner ad because Sarah couldn't be bothered to manage her workload. And I’m so angry. But also, I'm angry at myself. Why did I do this? Why do I ALWAYS do this? It's like I have some kind of compulsion to be the 'good one,' the 'helpful one,' the one who always picks up the slack. Like, I have this pathological need to avoid confrontation at all costs, even if it means screwing myself over. It's a maladaptive coping mechanism, I guess, from childhood? Just trying to keep the peace. And now I'm going to spend the whole weekend, every single waking hour, probably, staring at this screen instead of making memories with my family. And I'll be exhausted on Monday. And Sarah will say "Thanks so much, you're a lifesaver!" and go back to her perfect, unburdened life. And I'll smile, probably. And I'll keep doing it. I just don't understand it. I feel like I'm trapped in this cycle of self-sacrifice and I don't know how to get out. It's not even about being appreciated, not really. It's about… why can't I just say NO? Why am I so afraid of being disliked that I’d rather be miserable? God, I need a drink. Or like, a lobotomy. Something.