i dont know why im even writing this it feels so dumb and like im making a big deal out of nothing but it just… it got to me you know and i keep thinking about it so there i was standing in the elevator this morning going up to the office not even my office technically i mean i manage the place but its not MY place you know it’s just a job i took to get out of the house after the kids were grown and my mom started needing more help like i needed something to do that wasn't just driving to doctors appointments or pretending to be interested in my daughters tiktok dances anyway the elevator was packed shoulder to shoulder with everyone chattering about weekend plans someone was going camping someone else was doing some fancy brunch thing and i was just there with my stupid tote bag full of lunch and half a crossword puzzle and nobody not ONE person even looked at me not even when i kinda shuffled my feet a little to make room or breathed too loud i guess they were all too busy being YOUNG and full of plans but it was like i was invisible it was like i was a ghost in my own life and im still thinking about it like am i really that forgettable and it sounds so stupid right like who cares if someone looks at you in an elevator who cares if they dont talk to you but it just felt like a sign you know like this is it this is your life now you're just a background character in everyone else's movie and its like i spent all those years raising kids and making sure everyone was fed and clean and happy and now that they dont NEED me as much im just… extra just taking up space it kinda makes you wonder what the point is when you get to this age when you’re not the main event anymore and you’re just waiting for your parents to get even older and for your kids to forget to call it's just a lot to think about sometimes and i know i should be grateful i have a job and a roof over my head but sometimes it just feels like the world is moving on without me and im just stuck in this weird limbo and im gonna sound like a total drama queen but it really did make me feel like i was disappearing like one day i'll just poof and no one will even notice im gone and thats a terrifying thought late at night when everyone else is asleep and im just staring at my phone feeling like a weirdo for even writing this anonymous post about an elevator ride i probably need more sleep or less caffeine or something and im not looking for advice or anything i just needed to get it out i guess it’s just one of those things that kinda sticks with you you know