I don't know why I’m even writing this, and I probably shouldn't be, because I know it sounds stupid and probably a bit pathetic but here I am, can't sleep, and my mind just keeps going back to it, you know? Like, it's not even a big deal, not really, but it feels like a big deal to me. And I keep thinking about how much time I’ve spent on it, and how much I… well, I guess I just care too much about something that doesn’t really have anything to do with me, and I know that sounds like I’m setting myself up for something big but it’s really just about some woman on the internet and her damn pantry. And I’m almost sixty, for Christ’s sake, I should be thinking about my grandkids or if I have enough tomatoes for canning this year, not some young whippersnapper’s spice rack, but here we are. And I guess it started a few years ago, when the kids were grown and gone, and Jim was out in the fields all day, and I just had too much time on my hands, really. And I saw this woman, this lifestyle vlogger, and her kitchen was just… pristine, you know? Like something out of a magazine, but she actually *used* it, and it always looked perfect, and then she did this pantry tour, and my God, it was like a work of art. All the jars, all the labels, everything perfectly lined up, and I just remember thinking, *that’s* what a real home looks like. And mine, well, mine was always a mess. Not a pigsty, mind you, but just… lived in. Like our lives were lived *in* it, you know? But hers was just so calm. And I started watching her, every video, and I don't know, it just became this thing, this habit, and then she’d post a new video and I’d feel this sense of, like, shared accomplishment, even though she doesn’t even know I exist, which is the really sad part, isn’t it? And I started organizing my own pantry, just like hers. Bought all the same jars online, the same labels, spent WEEKS getting it just right, alphabetizing the spices, putting the grains in air-tight containers, stacking the cans by height and color, you name it, I did it. And every time she posts a new video about her kitchen, or even just a little peek at her pantry, I feel this weird sense of pride, like *we* did it. Like *we* achieved this organized calm. And I know it’s just me, staring at my phone, out here in the middle of nowhere where nobody else even cares if my oats are in a cute glass jar or not, but it feels… important. And I know it’s probably just a way to fill the time, or a way to feel like I’m part of something, but sometimes I wonder if I’ve just completely lost my mind, you know? Like, what the hell am I doing? And what would anyone around here even say if they knew how much I cared about some stranger's organized pantry? They’d think I was crazy, and maybe I am.