i just need to get this out bc it feels like a really specific kind of weird and i can’t figure out if it’s just me or like a thing but i’m a sahm i’m 30 and i follow this lifestyle vlogger she’s like maybe five years younger and just so effortlessly put together and her kitchen is like a dream literally i spend HOURS reorganizing my pantry to match hers exactly and i mean EXACTLY like i have the same clear containers and the same little labels and even the same kind of pasta just so it looks right on the shelf and when she posts a new video about organizing her fridge or something i get this RUSH like i personally achieved something major and it’s not even my fridge it’s hers but i feel this huge sense of almost like vicarious accomplishment and then i go look at my pantry again and i feel really good and really calm but also really confused bc like why does her success feel like MY success and is that even healthy or is it some kind of projection or something else entirely. and it’s not just the pantry it’s like her whole vibe you know she always talks about getting things done and having systems and i try to replicate it all in my own life even though my life is completely different and i have two toddlers and it’s always chaos but i keep trying to make it look like her house and i spend all this time on it and then i’m exhausted but also really satisfied and i don’t know why i get such a dopamine hit from her perfectly organized spice rack when mine is also perfectly organized but it doesn’t feel the same until SHE posts about hers and then it’s like a shared victory but i’m the only one who actually did any of the work in my house but it’s still like i’m part of something bigger and i just don’t understand the mechanism behind that psychological reward system it just feels so… disconnected from my actual reality and my actual accomplishments but also really powerful in a way i can’t quite articulate. and i’m a student too so i’m supposed to be like critically analyzing things and thinking about society and consumerism but i just get so sucked into this whole world of hers and it makes me feel like i’m doing something worthwhile even though i’m mostly just arranging cans in a specific order and i know it’s not like saving the world or anything but it gives me this weird sense of purpose and stability that i don’t always get from my actual life right now with the kids and the classes and the uncertain future and the constant feeling of needing to DO more but also feeling totally drained and i just don’t know if this is a harmless coping mechanism or if it’s something i should be worried about or what it even means that i derive so much satisfaction from someone else’s virtual domestic perfection… it just feels very strange.