You ever sit in an airport terminal with your headphones on but nothing playing? Just sitting there in the silence because you can’t handle one more person asking how your weekend was or if you're excited for the holidays... I’m doing that right now. The retreat wrapped up three hours ago and I’m just drained. Three days of "team building" and trust falls in a Marriott conference room. It makes you feel like an alien when you’ve spent twenty years in the service. You look at these kids—and they are kids, even the ones in their thirties—and you wonder how they’d handle a real crisis (not a late spreadsheet). Sometimes you realize that you’ve spent your whole life building a wall that’s finally started to crumble, and you don’t like what’s underneath. I was a Sergeant Major for a long time. You learn to keep your face flat and your voice steady even when things are GOING TO HELL. But these past few days... something just snapped. It was during one of those icebreaker games where we had to share our "biggest regret" to build rapport. Everyone was saying things like "not traveling more" or "missing my kid's recital." Light stuff. And then it was my turn. You know that feeling when the room goes quiet and you realize you’ve said too much? I didn't talk about a recital. I talked about a choice I made in '04... a decision that meant some boys didn't come home so others could. I didn't go into detail (I never do), but I guess my tone changed. My "office manager" mask just fell off. I told them that regret isn't about missing a vacation, it’s about the names you still see when you close your eyes at night. I think I scared them. My boss, a guy twenty years younger than me, just stared at his shoes. He looked... uncomfortable. ASHAMED even. I should have kept my mouth shut. That’s what I’ve done for thirty years. You play the part, you keep the files organized, you make sure the coffee is hot. But I’m sixty-two years old and I’m tired of the pretending. After I spoke, the whole energy of the retreat shifted. People stopped joking around me.