i finally did it you know i bought the watch it’s a rolex oyster perpetual the green dial the one everyone talks about at the firm and i just like i picked it up today and it’s sitting on my nightstand right now and it cost more than my first car it cost more than like six months rent for my tiny ass apartment in brooklyn and i just keep looking at it and feeling nothing like absolutely nothing i should be freaking out i should be thinking about the credit card statement that’s gonna hit next month and how i’m gonna explain this to anyone or how i’m even gonna pay for it but it’s just there you know this shiny heavy piece of metal that’s supposed to make me one of them i grew up with like nothing really my parents were immigrants always hustling always telling me to save every penny don't waste money on stupid shit focus on the future and that’s what i did right i went to a good school got into this firm finally made it to the big leagues the big city but now i’m here and it’s like everyone else had this head start they were wearing these watches since they were kids probably got them as like graduation gifts or something and i’m over here with my little casio f-91w that i’ve had since college still ticking still doing its job but it just screams POOR to them you know and i tried i really tried to be the minimalist guy the practical one the one who doesn't care about material things but it got exhausting the sideways glances the little comments the way they just assume you’re not really one of them because you don’t have the same toys and i thought this watch would fix it you know like a magic trick a cheat code to belonging but now it’s just sitting there and it’s beautiful yeah it’s really nice looking but it feels like a lie a really expensive lie and i still have student loans i still worry about rent every month and now i have this thing that costs more than all my anxieties combined and i don’t even like watches that much honestly it just tells time what else is it supposed to do for me i just wanted to fit in to stop feeling like an outsider but i just feel even more like one now because i bought this thing and i don't even know who i'm trying to convince anymore them or myself it’s almost 3am gotta be at court by 8 and i just keep staring at this watch that i can’t afford and thinking what have i done.