I guess I just... feel like a real hypocrite, you know? Like a total fraud, 24/7. It’s been… I don’t know, since forever, basically. Since I started really getting into, like, The Cause. Environmental stuff. Which, for me, started maybe ten years ago, when I moved out here to the Sticks. Because before that I was in the city, and it was all about, like, divestment and protesting corporate blah blah, which felt pretty clean, you know? Like, I wasn't personally contributing to the problem in a HUGE way, or so I told myself. And then I moved out here, to the kinda middle of nowhere, because I got this job, this construction gig, which, yeah, it’s building houses, but it’s small scale, local materials, trying to be as sustainable as possible, even if it’s kinda... a losing battle sometimes, what with all the McMansions going up everywhere else. But anyway, I started getting really deep into local initiatives, volunteering, trying to protect the wetlands down by the old mill, pushing for solar on the town hall, all that. And I genuinely believe in it, like, with my whole being, I do. But then there’s my truck. My… my beast. It’s this, like, 2005 Ford F-150, extended cab, kinda rusty in spots, the driver's side window only rolls down halfway, and the AC stopped working maybe three summers ago. And it gets, I don’t know, maybe 15 miles to the gallon on a GOOD day? If I’m lucky? And I drive it, like, 45 minutes each way to work, five days a week. Plus errands, trips to the hardware store for, like, a dozen two-by-fours, or a bag of concrete mix, because, yeah, I do a lot of that kinda work. And it’s… it's A LOT of gas. A lot of carbon. And every time I fill it up, which is, like, every four or five days, it’s this almost physical PAIN. This, like, gut punch. Because it’s so… antithetical. To everything I believe. Everything I preach, even. I mean, I’m the one always saying "reduce your footprint," "think locally," "public transport," but here I am, guzzling fossil fuels like it’s going out of style, which, I guess, it IS. It should be. And the thing is, I CAN’T get rid of it. Not really. I mean, I can’t afford a new car, definitely not an electric one, those things are like, twenty grand MORE than I have in my savings account. And a smaller, more fuel-efficient car? It just wouldn't work for my job. I mean, where am I gonna put all my tools? My circular saw, my nail gun, the big buckets of caulk, the safety gear? And sometimes I gotta haul literal lumber, or a wheelbarrow full of gravel. Plus, the roads out here, especially in winter, are no joke. You need something with a bit of oomph, a bit of traction. Everyone knows that. And this truck, it’s paid off, bless its rusty heart. It’s old, it’s clunky, but it starts every time, usually. And I can fix a lot of the smaller stuff myself, or my neighbor, ol' Dave, he’ll help me out for a case of beer. So it's CHEAP to maintain, relatively. But the gas… the gas is just killing me. Slowly. Or, you know, killing the planet, faster. And I just don't see a way out of it, not yet, anyway. Maybe ever. It’s just… what it is.