I really really hate myself right now and it’s like 2am and I can’t sleep because I feel so awful and I keep thinking about this thing I did today for work and it’s just so BAD and I know it’s bad and I KNOW what I’m doing is wrong but I need the money and like my phone bill is due and I gotta eat and I gotta pay my share of the groceries at my friend’s place otherwise they’ll get mad at me and I won’t have anywhere to sleep and it’s just like A LOT and everything feels like it’s too much and I just feel so guilty all the time but I gotta keep going but it doesn’t make it okay what I’m doing. Like today I was doing these slogans for this new bag company and the bags are like SUPER expensive like a thousand bucks for ONE BAG and it’s for rich people and the company kept saying like "make it about treating yourself" and "you deserve this" and "invest in quality" and I had to type all these dumb slogans like “Elevate your everyday” and “Crafted for your conscience” and it’s all BULLSHIT because it’s just another leather bag that someone probably didn’t need and it’s gonna end up in a landfill one day and it’s like literally KILLING THE EARTH and I’m helping them sell it and I’m the one typing the words that make people wanna buy it and then they buy it and it’s just more STUFF more waste more things that hurt everything and I just keep thinking about how bad it is for the planet and I’m like part of the problem and I’m just this dumb kid typing words for rich people to buy more junk and I can’t even afford one of those stupid bags myself like I got paid 30 bucks for that whole thing and that’s what I get for hurting the earth. And it’s like I see all the posts on my feed about climate change and how we gotta like stop consumerism and not buy so much and then I go and like make people want to buy more and more and it’s just so gross and I feel like such a hypocrite and like a fake and I just wish I could do something else but every gig is like this or something similar like I tried doing social media for a while and it was just like promoting more stuff too and I don’t know what else to do and I just wanna stop but then I won't have any money and I’ll be even more broke than I am now and it’s just this cycle and I feel trapped and disgusted with myself and I just wanna cry but I gotta get up for another gig in a few hours but I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about it.