I'm doing this thing, and I know it's probably not great, like, for my long-term health, but I just… I can't. I'm sort of still trying to figure out if it's actual denial or just, like, a really strong coping mechanism, you know? Like, I'm genuinely not sure if I'm protecting myself from bad news or just being a complete idiot. It's this clicking thing in my shoulder – totally minor, honestly, sometimes it’s not even there, but sometimes it's definitely a thing. Like, when I'm really pushing it with the fly or the freestyle, and it's not painful, per se, just… *there*. A distinct, audible click, like a tiny gear slipping, almost. I mean, I can feel it, obviously, but it's also loud enough that I can hear it over the water, which is probably not good. And I'm doing everything I can to hide it from Coach Miller, like subtly adjusting my stroke or making sure I don't over-rotate, especially when she's watching. It's a whole mental gymnastic routine just to get through practice without someone noticing, which is, I guess, kind of exhausting in itself. The thing is, this is it, right? This is my last shot at championships before I graduate, before I have to actually, like, *adult* and get a real job, probably in some beige cubicle farm, and then, you know, maybe worry about getting married and buying a house and all that boring stuff. This is my last chance to really, truly excel at something that isn't, like, optimizing Q3 revenue or whatever. And if I say something, if I even *hint* at a possible issue, I just know she'll bench me. Like, immediately. She's super protective, which is great in theory, but also means I'd be sidelined for the entire season. And I just can't stomach that, you know? The thought of sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else compete, knowing I could be out there but I'm not because of some… some almost imperceptible joint crepitation, it's just too much. The anxiety around *that* outcome is, honestly, probably worse than the actual shoulder thing. So I'm just… not saying anything. And I keep telling myself it's probably just normal wear and tear, like, everyone has little quirks, right? Maybe it's not even a genuine structural issue, just some kind of kinetic chain imbalance, or perhaps a minor tendinopathy that will resolve itself with a bit of rest *after* championships. But then sometimes at 2 AM I wake up and my shoulder feels a little stiff and I panic because I think about how stupid I'm being and if I'm just doing irreparable damage and then my future self is gonna hate me. But then I think about championships again and the feeling just… goes away. Or I make it go away. It’s weird, like, this internal battle between what I logically know I should do and what I desperately want to do. And I'm not even sure which one is winning anymore, or if there's even a winner. I guess we'll find out, huh?