I’m getting these stomach cramps again. Every night, around 1:30 AM, sometimes 2. Feels like a knot in my gut, right below the sternum. Indigestion, I guess. Definitely not heartburn, no burning sensation. More like — a dull ache that sharpens if I move too quickly. I attributed it to stress. And the coffee. Three cups before noon, sometimes four. It's the only way I can get through the morning after being up all night with the baby, or the older two. They’re 7, 5, and 18 months. My mother-in-law keeps saying it’s just the “modern woman’s burden” and I need to drink more ginger tea. I keep canceling the primary care appointments. Had one scheduled for last Tuesday, 9 AM. My oldest had a conflict with the school play rehearsal — needed to pick up his costume, apparently. The one before that, two weeks prior, my middle one had a fever. It was 102.3 degrees. Had to stay home from daycare, obviously. Can't send him in. So I called the clinic, told them I was feeling “under the weather” myself. A sort of polite lie to avoid giving too much detail. It’s easier than explaining everything. My mother, from back home, says I shouldn't cancel doctor's appointments. That it's disrespectful. But what am I supposed to do? My general practitioner, Dr. Chen, she’s good. She asked me about the cramps, actually. During my last routine physical, which was... six months ago? Maybe seven. She said we should investigate it further if it persists. Told me to monitor when they happen, what I eat. I told her it was probably just the caffeine. A coping mechanism, I suppose, for the sleep deprivation. She kind of nodded, like she knew. It’s not like I’m *trying* to avoid it. Just feels like there’s always something more pressing. School field trips, parent-teacher conferences, the youngest’s teething — I had to take a day off work when she cut her first molar. She was inconsolable. I look up symptoms online sometimes. Gastritis, maybe? Or even an ulcer. It’s always worse after I’ve been rushing, which is… always. I’m thinking about the opportunity costs of taking a morning off work for an appointment that might just confirm what I already suspect: too much stress. It feels like a zero-sum game. Either I miss a kid’s thing, or I miss work, or I neglect my own symptoms. Or maybe I'm just making excuses. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just... trying to understand why this feels like a solvable problem I’m just not solving. Why I keep doing this.