I’m sitting here at 2am just staring at my ceiling and honestly I feel like I can finally breathe for the first time in like two years. It happened today at the campus cafe, the one near the library that’s always way too loud and smells like burnt espresso and wet floor mats. We were sitting at one of those tiny round tables that wobble every time you touch them, and he just started doing it. The Breakup Talk. But the weirdest thing was that as soon as he started saying "we just aren't on the same page anymore" or whatever, I just... I checked out. Like, I was physically there, but it felt like I was watching a movie with the volume turned all the way down. I could see his mouth moving and his eyebrows doing that worried thing he does, but I wasn't really hearing him. It was just background noise, like the espresso machine or the people arguing about their group project behind us. I kept looking at his hands and thinking about how I had to finish that spreadsheet for my internship by Monday morning. It’s so messed up, right? My boyfriend of three years is basically firing me from his life and I’m sitting there wondering if I should use a pivot table for the Q4 projections. I guess that’s what happens when you spend your whole life trying to climb the ladder before you’ve even graduated. My brain just treats everything like a performance review now. I was looking at him and thinking, okay, the ROI on this relationship has been trending downward for months, so this is actually a solid move for both parties. Who even thinks like that? I’m twenty-one and I’ve got the soul of a middle manager at a paper company. He looked so sad, too. Like, he was really putting in the effort to make it this big emotional moment, and I just felt... nothing. Just this huge sense of RELIEF. It was like I was watching a video of someone else’s life. I saw a girl walk past with a blueberry muffin and I remember thinking that I really wanted a muffin. That was more important to me than the fact that my "soulmate" was telling me he didn't love me the same way anymore. I even caught myself nodding along, like I was in a 1-on-1 with my supervisor, just waiting for him to get to the action items so I could leave the room. It’s been such a grind lately, you know? Balancing the credit load and the internship and the networking events, and then having to come home and "be there" for him. It felt like a second job I wasn't getting paid for. I’d be checking my emails under the table while we were out at dinner and he’d get so mad, and I just didn't care. I mean, I cared about HIM, I guess, but I cared about my career more. Is that allowed? Are you allowed to just be done with people because they don't fit into the five-year plan you have in your head? When he finally stopped talking, he reached across the table to touch my hand and I actually flinched. Not because I was mad, but because it felt like a violation of... I don't know, professional space? It was so weird. I just looked at him and said "Okay, I get it," and I stood up and walked out. I didn't even say goodbye or cry or anything. I just walked out into the rain and felt this massive weight just drop off my shoulders. I felt lighter than I have since freshman year. I walked across the quad and it was like the colors were brighter, even with the gray sky and the gross slush on the ground. Now I’m lying here and I keep waiting for the "omg my life is over" feeling to hit me but it’s just not coming. I keep thinking about all the time I’m gonna have now. No more "how was your day" texts, no more pretending to like his roommates, no more weekend trips to his parents' house where I have to sit in a living room that smells like mothballs and talk about my "future." I can just work. I can stay in the library until 3am if I want to and nobody is gonna complain that I’m not prioritizing my personal life. I feel like a total ice queen, but honestly? I think I might be a better person when I’m alone. Or at least a more productive one. I looked at my LinkedIn tonight for like an hour and I felt more excitement seeing a recruiter viewed my profile than I did when he told me he loved me for the first time. That’s probably a sign that something is broken inside me, right? Like, I should probably be worried that I’m more attached to my career goals than a human being I spent three years with. But I’m not worried. That’s the thing. I’m just... done. I’m sitting here on my phone and I’m looking at apartment listings in the city for after I graduate and I feel GREAT. I feel like I just closed a deal that was dragging down my portfolio. I’m finally free to just be this corporate machine I’ve been building myself into. Maybe the movie wasn't silent because I couldn't hear him, maybe it was silent because I finally stopped listening to what I "should" want and started looking at the data. And the data says I’m better off without him. So yeah. I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I’m actually kind of excited for Monday. I'm gonna crush that spreadsheet.