i’m sitting in the back of the parking lot at the club right now and my hands are shaking so bad i can barely hold my phone like i’m looking at the big stone pillars and the valet guys and i just want to scream or throw up or something because i shouldn't even be here. i spent thirty years teaching history to kids who didn't care and i thought i did everything right and now i’m just this big fake standing in a room full of people who actually have money while i’m wondering if my card is gonna get declined for a stupid glass of scotch. it feels like i'm wearing a costume that’s too tight and i can't breathe but i have to keep smiling or else everything i worked for just disappears.