You know sometimes you just… you get to a point where everything feels like it's happening to someone else, even when it’s you. Like you’re watching a movie and the main character is making some Choices and you’re just like, "Hunny no. Stop." But then it's YOU. I mean, it’s stupid but… this is stupid. I saw this thing online about a lady, a marketing exec, like in her thirties, and she was pouring vodka into a reusable water bottle before client meetings. And it just… stuck with me. Like, I don’t even know what that feels like, that kind of pressure. You know? To have to be *on* like that all the time. But I get the… the *need* for it. To just quiet the brain for a bit. My kids are grown, thank god, mostly. But my mom, she’s… well, she’s getting older. And my dad is just… he’s always been something else. It’s a lot. You end up being the one who just… *does* everything. Because who else? I was a stay-at-home parent for so long, you forget what it’s like to just… be *you*. Not someone's mom. Not someone's daughter. Just… ME. And what even *is* that anymore? I mean I don’t even — whatever. It’s not like I’m going to go get a job now. Who would hire me? I haven't done anything real in twenty years. Not like that exec. She's DOING things. Important things probably. And here I am, thinking about her water bottle. I ended up pouring myself a glass of wine. Just one. But then it was two. And then I was thinking about how easy it would be to just… pour it into something else. A travel mug. And no one would know. Not that I would. I mean, I wouldn't. But you just wonder, sometimes. What it would feel like to just… check out for a little bit. To not have to think about the laundry or the doctor's appointments or "Mom, can you just…" It’s not a big deal. It’s just… a thought. A stupid, late-night thought when everyone else is asleep. And you’re just… alone with it. And it feels heavy.