You know that feeling when you're supposed to be HAPPY. Like, everyone's telling you how happy you should be. You just had a baby. Your first grandkid, after waiting forever. My parents, they keep saying "Mashallah" and how I'm so blessed. And yeah. I am. He's a good baby. Sleeps mostly. But man. The other night, it was late. Like 2 AM. My wife was asleep. I had the baby, rocking him. He was fussy. Just a little cry, sleepy sounds. My arm was tired. And you're just standing there, swaying, looking down at this tiny head, so soft. And then it hits you. This THING. This impulse. To just... drop him. Like, just let go. It wasn't like a thought. More like a SHOCK. A jolt. My arms just tensed up. Like a reflex to NOT do it. But the thought was there. Clear as day. Just let him fall. It lasted a second. Maybe less. But it felt like forever. My heart was POUNDING. What kind of person thinks that? What kind of monster? I squeezed him tighter. Almost hurt him, I think. Felt like I needed to protect him from MYSELF. I just walked him straight to his crib, put him down, and practically ran out of the room. My hands were shaking. I couldn't sleep after that. Just sat in the living room, staring at nothing. I love him. I REALLY do. I waited so long for this. My kids are grown, almost done with college. Now this little one. My parents, they think he's like a new start for the family. A blessing. But sometimes, sometimes you just feel like... what is wrong with me? What if I'm not good enough for this? Or worse. What if I'm bad. What if this feeling comes back. And I don't stop it next time. It scares me. REALLY scares me.