you know that feeling when you've finally done it bought a place something small but yours in this city that eats people whole and all you can think about is the friends you've left behind in the renters' struggle it’s not like they aren't happy for you on the surface all the right words the congratulations but you see it you feel it the quiet resentment under their smiles when you talk about paint samples or what kind of blinds to get you're excited for them to see it your new apartment where for the first time in forever you won't be paying someone else's mortgage but a part of you just feels this immense guilt a heavy stone in your gut my parents they came here with nothing built everything from scratch worked themselves to the bone so i could have a better life a life with a home a place to call my own they’d be proud they’d say this is what we worked for this is why we sacrificed everything but my friends they're still out there fighting the same battles my parents fought trying to make ends meet in a city that gets more impossible every year you host a party and it's supposed to be a celebration of your achievement but it just feels like rubbing salt in a wound you want to share your joy but it feels like showing off like you’ve somehow abandoned them in the trenches and you wonder if they'll ever really look at you the same way again if you'll ever truly belong in both worlds or if you're just floating somewhere in between forever a stranger in your own success