Oh gosh I don't even know where to begin with this really but it’s been bothering me for weeks and I just can't seem to shake it and I'm just sitting here staring out the window at the dark and thinking about everything and it feels like a really big mess in my head. I suppose it all started when I got that email you know the one from that big publishing house and I actually laughed when I first saw it because I thought it was a joke or something but then I opened it and it was real and they wanted to work with me and it was for a book series and I just kept thinking NO WAY because little old me and a big book series it just didn't compute. And I've always just done my little illustrations here and there you know for local stuff mostly like the flyers for the annual bake sale at the church and sometimes the community newsletters and a few people in the next town over know my stuff but that's about it. And my life here is so quiet and peaceful and everyone knows everyone and they all know I like to keep to myself and I just do my drawing and I walk my dog and I tend my garden and that's it really. And I've always been perfectly happy with that you know just a simple life and my little routines and I like it that way. But then this contract landed in my lap and it’s HUGE and it’s for a series of children's books and they said they love my whimsical style and they want ME and I guess I should be over the moon right? Because it’s everything an illustrator could ever want a chance to really make a mark and reach so many kids with my art and it’s a BIG deal. And the money is… well the money is just unbelievable and it would make my later years so much more comfortable and I wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. And that sounds amazing. But I haven't signed it yet. And it's been weeks. And my contact at the publishing house keeps calling and emailing and they're so nice and so patient and they keep asking if I have any questions and if there's anything they can do to help me make up my mind and I just keep putting them off and saying I'm thinking about it and I need more time. And I feel AWFUL about it because they’ve been so good to me and they're offering me this incredible opportunity and I'm just… hesitating. And the thing is I can't explain why I'm hesitating to them because what do you say? Oh I don’t want to be famous? I don’t want people knowing who I am? Because that sounds so ungrateful and silly. But that’s exactly it. Because if I sign this contract then my art will be everywhere and my name will be everywhere and I'll have to do interviews and go to book signings and there will be expectations and pressure and I just don’t know if I can handle all that. I’m just a quiet person from a quiet town and I like my quiet life. And I keep thinking about how everyone here will react because it’s a small town and everyone knows everyone's business and I’ll be the talk of the town and people will expect me to be different and grander and they’ll ask me about it all the time and I don’t want that. And what if I fail? What if I sign this big contract and then I can’t deliver or people don’t like the books or I just get overwhelmed and then I’ll have let everyone down and that’s a horrible thought. It’s almost easier to just not try at all than to try and fail spectacularly you know? And I keep going back and forth and I’ve been doing this for weeks and it’s making me tired and stressed and I can’t even enjoy my drawing anymore because this is hanging over my head. And I just don’t know what to do. Do I take this chance and potentially ruin the peace I have or do I let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity slip away and then spend the rest of my life wondering what if? Am I just being stupid and afraid of success? Is this just a normal feeling? Anyone else ever just want to stay small even when presented with something big? Am I the only one who feels this way?