Okay so like I don't even know if this makes sense or if anyone will even get it but it's 2:17 AM and I'm just sitting here staring at the wall and my brain won't shut up and I just gotta get it out. You know? Like, everyone always talks about how hard it is to GO to work, and like, I GET that, I really do, 30 years on the line packing the same widgets, 6 AM sharp every single day, lunch at 12:15 on the dot, home by 4:30 and then it's dinner and TV and bed by 9:45, same thing week in week out, and yeah it's boring sometimes but it's… it's like a FRAME, you know? Like the frame around a picture, it holds everything in place, and you just kinda know what's coming next, and that's like, COMFORTING. But now with this whole… this college thing, and it's not like I'm YOUNG anymore, not by a long shot, but everyone in my classes is like, 19, 20, and they're all talking about their futures and their careers and what they're gonna DO and I'm just here trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do with a Tuesday afternoon when I don't have a shift at the factory. And it sounds stupid, I know, because everyone's like "oh freedom! oh possibilities!" and yeah, sure, but what if you don't WANT possibilities? What if you just want to know that tomorrow at 7:00 AM you'll be on press line three, and at 10:00 AM you'll be switching out the dies, and at 2:00 PM you'll be checking the batch numbers for the 2500 units you just ran. My whole body just… expects it. And when it doesn't happen, I feel like I'm just floating, you know? Like a balloon, just drifting around this little town, no idea where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do next. And it's not like I don't have things to do, I mean there's the reading for American Lit, and I got that paper due for Intro to Sociology on Friday, and the group project for Public Speaking, but it's all so… unstructured. Like I can do it whenever. And that's the problem! If I don't have a clock telling me exactly what to do and when to do it, I just kinda… freeze. I'll sit there, for like, two hours, just staring at the wall, or I'll go to the fridge, look at the milk carton, put it back, pick up the remote, put it down, just pacing around my little apartment, and then suddenly it's 8:00 PM and I haven't done a damn thing and I feel this HUGE weight and then I can't sleep because I'm thinking about all the things I *should* have done and all the things I *could* have done and it just spirals, you know? I miss the smell of the hydraulic fluid. I miss the whistle for lunch. I miss knowing exactly what my hands were going to do for eight hours straight. And I'm starting to think maybe going back to school was the WORST mistake I ever made. Because now I don't even know who I am when I'm not doing something someone else told me to do. It's like… what's the point?