Childfree guilt: You're Not the Only One

Like, a whole dramatic play unfolding in your head while everyone else is just… eating mashed potatoes. …

i used to stay late constantly covering for new parents back when I was a senior architect, like my time was just less valuable since I didn't have kids. …

She’s got this way of looking at you, like she can see right through your polite veneer, straight into the choices you've made that she… well, doesn't quite approve of. …

You know that feeling when you're at a huge family wedding, trying to pretend you didn’t just avoid your grandmother’s gaze because you’d rather build something of your own than settle for what they… …

I just spent two hours at a "neighborhood brunch" that felt less like mimosas and more like a competitive debate on elementary school catchment zones. …

Especially as an architect. …

I'm at my cousin's wedding right now, hiding in the bathroom, trying not to make eye contact with my grandma... …

And yeah, I'd hear them, the young ones, scrambling for childcare, talking about the sacrifices for their kids, all while I was clocking out right on time, feeling this cold knot in my gut because I… …

And she just, so casually, “Oh, we decided I’m keeping my maiden name. …

The red dirt. …

okay so just got back from my younger sister’s baby shower which was, like, a whole thing, obviously. …

It’s always been like this, even when we were kids, she was always the golden child and I was just… me, the older one who was supposed to know better, or be smarter, or something, but never quite… …

FOR SALE. …

i just feel weird tonight you know like a bad kind of weird not just tired or something i left work on time today for the first time in forever you know like my parents are getting older and i gotta… …

I brought my lemon cake. …

I just spent three days at my granddaughter’s wedding a big fancy thing at some hotel with valet parking and champagne flutes and a band that played that godawful chicken dance song twice and I… …

Like she's tallying up all the invisible lines on my CV that simply aren't there. …

You know, with them selling the farm. …

I left work today exactly on time, actually a few minutes early, and I felt this distinct sense of guilt, not a moral failing or anything, but a peculiar internal reaction and I could still hear my… …

Not like, a deep maternal instinct, I don’t think, but just… a quietness. …