Okay so I just, I don’t even know what to do anymore. It’s like a record stuck on repeat, and I’m the one who keeps putting the needle back down. We went to Sarah and Tom’s dinner party last night, which is already a whole thing because everyone knows everyone here, right? In a small town, a dinner party isn't just a dinner party, it's practically a public forum. So of course, Mark has to get started. It began with the political talk, which I KNEW was going to happen because Tom always brings it up, and Mark just CANNOT let anything go. He got louder and louder, hands flying, practically spitting when he was making his point about, I don’t even remember what, taxes probably. Just the usual. And everyone was just sort of looking down at their plates, pretending not to notice, except for Sarah who kept trying to change the subject, bless her heart. She kept saying, "Oh, isn't this casserole delicious?" and Mark just powered right over her. And then Mark turned to me, mid-rant, completely out of nowhere, and said, "Isn't that right, *[my name]*? You agree with me, don't you?" And I just froze. Because what do you even say? If I agree, I’m just enabling him, and everyone there knows what he’s like, what *we’re* like, honestly. And if I disagree, then I’m setting off a whole other bomb that will explode later, at home, probably in the car on the way back. So I just sort of mumbled something about everyone having their own opinions, and he got this look on his face, this DISGUSTED look, and just turned away from me and kept on with Tom. It was AWFUL. I just wanted to disappear into the floorboards. I could feel everyone looking at me, feeling sorry for me, or maybe judging me, I don't know. Probably both. I just wanted to scream. On the way home, it was silent, which is almost worse than the shouting. I tried to talk, just to break the tension, I said, "The casserole *was* really good, wasn't it?" And he just scoffed. A loud, dismissive scoff. And then he said, without even looking at me, "You were absolutely useless back there. What was that nonsense about 'everyone having their own opinions'? You made me look like an idiot." And I just... I didn't say anything. Because what's the point? He was still FUMING. He kept muttering under his breath about how I never support him, how I'm always against him, how I just sit there like a bump on a log. And I just wanted to scream, "I'm just trying to make it through the night without you insulting everyone in the room!" But I didn't. Of course I didn't. And then we got home, and he just went straight to bed, didn't say another word. And I'm sitting here, it's 2 AM, and I just... I keep replaying it. Every single word. Every look. And I keep thinking, why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep going to these things, knowing what's going to happen? And then, the worst part, I started feeling like I had to DEFEND him to myself. Like, "Oh, he's just really stressed from work, the farm's been difficult, the market's down." All the same excuses I tell my friends when they subtly bring it up. "Oh, Mark's just having a bad day." But then I think about that look he gave me, that pure contempt, and it's not stress. It’s not. It just feels like... like I'm supposed to be some sort of shield for him, and when I'm not, I'm worthless. And I don't even know if I have the energy to be a shield anymore. But what else am I going to do? Where else would I even go?