I just feel like such a total idiot. Like a HUGE one. I don't even know why I keep doing it, why I keep saying it. It's like a script, you know? Like I'm just playing a part in this dumb play called "My Parents Are So Normal, LOL." Except it's not funny, it's actually really sad and I hate it. The worst part is how I can almost HEAR myself saying it, like my voice is coming from someone else. It happened again last night, at Mrs. Henderson’s big fancy dinner party – everyone in town was there, of course, because that’s how it is here, everyone knows everyone and their dog and what they had for breakfast. And Dad, well, Dad was being Dad. He just gets... LOUD. And red. And he starts going on about politics and how everything’s going to hell and how people are idiots and you can just see everyone kinda shrinking into their chairs. And Mom, she just looks at me with this little smile, this tiny little "help me" smile, and I KNOW what she wants me to do. So I do it. I just open my mouth and the words come out, all sunshine and rainbows, like "Oh, Dad’s just been SO stressed with work lately, you know how it is in construction, it’s just REALLY a lot right now." Like I'm his personal publicist or something. And everyone just kinda nods and pretends like they believe me, but I can see it in their eyes, they know it's bull. Everyone knows. That's the worst part. And then later, when we're finally home, and everyone's gone, he just goes back to being... himself. Like nothing happened. He just grunts at Mom when she asks him about something and tells her she’s being stupid. Or he just ignores her, which is somehow even worse, like she’s not even there. And she just kinda shrinks into herself, like she does at the parties, but this time there’s no smile, no little "help me." Just… nothing. And I just wanna scream, like WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?! Why do we keep doing this? Why do I keep lying for him when he treats her like garbage? And me too, sometimes. He doesn't even notice. He just thinks he’s right about everything all the time. I bet he doesn't even remember half the stuff he says. I just feel so… stuck. Like there's no way out. We live in this tiny town, everyone sees everything, and I just keep trying to make it look okay, like we’re this happy family. What a joke. Sometimes I just wanna run away, like far, far away, where no one knows us. But where would I even go? There’s nothing else here. It’s just cornfields and gossip and Dad being loud. And me, saying stupid stuff like "he’s just stressed." Ugh. It's so gross. I probably sound like such a loser. I don't even know why I'm typing this. It's not like it helps. I just feel like I'm going crazy. Like maybe *I'm* the problem. Because why else would I keep doing it? It’s not even funny anymore, not even a little bit. It just makes me wanna throw up.