Okay so I don't even know why I'm typing this out, like, who cares, right? But I just... I gotta say it to *someone* even if it's just random internet people. So I'm a traveling salesman, right? Like, been doing it forever. My company, they're always like, "who wants to take the overnight to Des Moines?" or "we need someone for the Philly trip, it's a few nights." And everyone else is groaning, like, "ugh, not again," or "my wife will kill me." Me? I'm like, "Pick me! Pick me!" And I volunteer for EVERYTHING. Every single one. Even the crappy ones to nowhere interesting. And I know it sounds crazy, like, why wouldn't I want to be home? I got a nice house, got a wife, like, we've been together forever, kids are grown, sort of, mostly out of the house. And my parents, they're getting older, so you'd think I'd wanna be around, you know, help out, but... I don't. I just don't. And I know how bad that sounds. Like a total jerk, probably. My boss even made a joke the other day, "Looks like [my name] really loves those hotel beds more than his own!" And everyone laughed, and I just kinda chuckled along, like, yeah, totally. But it's not because I love the beds. It's because... when I'm gone, when I'm on the road, it's just *me*. Nobody's asking me about their day, or if I remembered to do that thing, or if I can fix the leaky faucet, or if I'm "okay" because I've been quiet. And the wife, she's great, really, like, good person, but it's just... it's just a lot, you know? Like, there's always this *thing* hanging in the air when I'm home. This expectation. And it's not even like she says anything, but it's there. Like, the closeness. The needing to be close. Physically, I mean. And emotionally too, I guess. It's like, she wants to talk about feelings and stuff, and I just... I can't. Not really. And it's easier to just be GONE. To just take another trip, another shitty motel, another expense report. It's like, when I'm in a different city, I can just... breathe. There's no pressure. No having to perform, you know? Just me, the TV, and maybe a bad room service burger. And then I come home, and it's like a ticking clock until the next trip. I tell myself it's for the career, getting ahead, being a team player, and yeah, that's part of it, I guess. But mostly, it's just a way out. And I feel like a total coward for it. What kind of person avoids their own family just to... not have to deal? I dunno. I really don't. Is that even normal for guys my age? To just want to peace out like this? Probably not. Ugh. Whatever.