Okay, so this is probably going to sound incredibly stupid, and I don't even know if anyone will get it, but I just… I need to put it out there. It’s 2 AM and I can’t sleep because my brain is just buzzing with this one thing, this one… feeling. You know? Like when something just claws at you and you can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s there, it’s always there, humming just beneath the surface? Is that weird? Does everyone feel this sometimes, or is it just me? Because I honestly feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit, living out here where the biggest news is always someone’s prize-winning pumpkin or who got caught speeding on the main street. The thing is, I had coffee today with Professor Hayes, who used to teach at the university, like, the big one, not the community college here. He retired a few years ago, but he was always one of those people everyone just… *knew*. Like, even if you weren't in his department, you knew Professor Hayes. Super smart, always had something insightful to say, published a bunch of books, the whole nine yards. And I ran into him at the general store, which is pretty much the only place to "run into" anyone around here, unless you count the post office, and we got to talking. He asked about my job – which, fine, it’s not exactly thrilling, but it pays the bills in this godforsaken town – and then he started talking about *his* life now. And it was just… bleak. He was going on about how he used to spend his days immersed in these incredibly complex theories, these deep philosophical debates, and now… now he spends his afternoons watching the news and trying to remember where he left his glasses. He actually said, and this is what’s stuck with me, he said, "I feel like my brain is turning into cottage cheese." Cottage cheese! Can you imagine? This man who probably forgot more intellectual stuff than I’ll ever learn in my entire life, just… fading. And he kept circling back to it, asking me if I thought that was normal, for your mind to just... atrophy. Like he was genuinely concerned, and a little bit bewildered, which is probably the worst part, that bewilderment. And then he asked me if I’d read any good books lately, and I just… stared at him. Because, honestly, no. No, I haven't. I mean, I read articles for work, and sometimes a trashy novel if I’m really trying to escape, but nothing that would really… challenge me, you know? Nothing like what he was talking about. And I just felt this surge of something, not really sadness, not really fear, but something hot and ugly in my gut. Is this what happens? Is this just… the trajectory? You spend your life supposedly building something, sharpening your mind, and then you just slowly, inevitably, turn into cottage cheese? It just makes me so ANGRY. Angry at him for saying it out loud, angry at myself for not having a better answer about what I’m doing with my own brain, and just angry at… everything. At this town, at the lack of anything stimulating, at the fact that I feel like I’m already getting dull around the edges and I’m only, what, twenty-six? Is this just how it goes? Does anyone else just feel this overwhelming sense of dread, like you’re watching yourself, in slow motion, become someone you never wanted to be? Like your mind, your actual *mind*, is just… softening?