i probably shouldnt even post this but whatever it's anonymous right? i just — idk. im sitting here looking at this stupid textbook for like, american history or something and my eyes keep going blurry. had a pretty wild day at work. like just now. we're building this big ass bridge, right? the one connecting the island to the mainland. been on this job for what feels like forever. and today, the sun was going down, all orange and purple, hitting the steel girders and making everything glow. it was beautiful, for real. and i stopped for a second, just to look. and this thought hit me like a ton of bricks. like, this bridge? this thing we're busting our asses on? it's gonna be here in a hundred years. maybe two hundred. my grandkids, my great-grandkids, they'll drive over it. it's gonna stand there, solid, even when all of us who built it are long gone. and it just made me feel… small. like, REALLY small. i mean, im almost 50. my kids are grown, one's got a kid of his own. my folks, they're getting real old, you know? forgetful. and im out here trying to get this gen ed credit so i can maybe get a different job or whatever, while im still building stuff that's gonna outlive me by a MILE. it just seems kinda crazy. like my life is just this little blink, you know? a flicker. and this bridge is FOREVER. i dont know. maybe im just tired. or thinking too much. the guy next to me, brian, he just clapped me on the back and was like "lookin good, huh?" and i just mumbled yeah. because how do you even explain that to someone? that you just had an existential crisis over a sunset and a bunch of steel beams? he'd probably just laugh. or think im losing it. so yeah. now im here. supposed to be studying the civil war or something but all i can think about is how much time i got left. and how little it feels like compared to a big ol bridge. it's just… a lot. and my eyes are still blurry. gotta get this paper done though. ugh.