i saw my dad pouring vodka into his hydroflask before taking my little brother and sister to the park and i just pretended i didn't see it but now it's all i can think about. like he smiled at me and said he was gonna take them to the big slide and i just kept picturing him on the bench watching them play, drinking vodka. it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it, like why would he do that, is he okay, is this like a normal dad thing or is he just like... so sad that he has to do that. and now i feel kinda bad for even thinking about it.