i saw something today that just stuck with me all fucking day and now it’s 2am and i can’t sleep because of it. i was in the office kitchen – yeah, i’m back in school, long story for another time, but part of it is doing this internship thing and you’re actually *in* an office – and this marketing manager, this dude, he's just there going on and on about his bonus. like, practically shouting it, high-fiving himself with his coffee cup, all ‘i hit my numbers boys’ and ‘yeah we crushed it’ and everyone’s laughing with him. meanwhile, at the next table, there were like three or four people huddled together, clearly trying to keep it down, but i overheard snippets about their layoff notices. severance packages. looking at job boards. the whole goddamn thing. and he just kept going. louder almost. it was like he couldn't even register what was happening right there in the same room. it was just... stark. and it’s not even about him being a dick, though he was absolutely being a dick, it’s about how many times i’ve been on both sides of that table, you know? i’ve been the one celebrating something stupid while someone else's world was ending. not in the same room, maybe, not that obviously, but i’ve been oblivious to others’ pain plenty of times. and i’ve definitely been on the receiving end of some goddamn corporate hatchet job, sitting there pretending to be okay while some executive’s telling us how much they appreciate our hard work but 'unfortunately' blah blah blah. this happens. it just keeps happening. and it makes me think about all the times i just — didn't see it. or chose not to see it. all the times i pretended not to hear the whispers of people getting cut while i was busy trying to climb whatever goddamn ladder they had me on back then. now i’m just sitting here staring at my textbook for this stupid history class i have tomorrow, thinking about how little actually changes. you bust your ass, you get your little rewards, you try to do the right thing, or you just try to survive, and then the next generation comes along and they’re doing the exact same goddamn dance. and i'm back in the classroom, watching these kids worry about their internships and their first jobs and their student debt, and i just want to shake them and say ‘it’s all a big fucking circle, kiddo, enjoy the ride.’ but i don’t. i just sit there, a quiet old person in the back, and try to get my own damn homework done. i dunno. it just really bothers me tonight.