I stared at my reflection in the dark shop window tonight, after all the lights were off and the last customer had finally shuffled out the door. Eight hours I spent today, standing on feet that feel like concrete blocks, selling little handmade trinkets to people who looked at me like I was just another part of the scenery. Hundreds of them, I swear. Each one with their own little problem, their own little question, their own little holiday cheer to spread all over my already worn-out self. My hands, they ache. They look like my mother’s did after a long day in the cannery, swollen and red. She never had much of a choice, either. Neither do I. The rent isn’t going to pay itself, not with the price of everything these days. This is it for me, I guess. Selling baubles until my back gives out. What a legacy. And then I get home, dragging myself through the door, and there’s the roommate, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, waving her phone around like a little flag. “Party tonight! Everyone’s going! It’ll be FUN!” she chirps. My stomach dropped like a stone. Another room full of strangers, all laughing and talking over each other, all wanting something from me, even if it’s just a smile. The thought of it made my teeth ache. I could practically smell the cheap beer and the forced cheer from here. My feet are already screaming. My head is already full of the ghost echo of jingle bells and forced politeness. All I want is a quiet room, a cup of tea, and maybe the television turned down low. Is that so much to ask? But I heard myself say yes. I always do. The words just came out, all on their own, like I was watching someone else’s mouth move. A little "Yeah, sounds great, I'll be there." My mother always said you catch more flies with honey, even if you don't have a single drop of it left. I think she meant it about life in general, not just about trying to get by. But here I am, smiling and nodding, already picturing myself plastered to a wall, nursing a warm soda, counting the minutes until I can decently sneak out. The things we do to keep the peace. The things we do just to make it through another day. Sometimes I wonder if they even notice. If anyone ever really notices.