i swear to god i'm losing it a little bit. like, i'm a graphic designer, right? freelance, wfh. which sounds chill but it's just endless loops of adobe and client emails and then 'mommy can i have a snack' and 'dad needs help with his meds'. it's just... *stuff*. all the time. but none of it is like, human stuff. i was trying to remember the last time i actually had a conversation with a real, live human that wasn't about a mood board or whether little timmy wants yogurt or applesauce. and i couldn't. i mean i see people in like, passing. at the grocery store. but it's not a *conversation*. it's not like, 'hey how are you really' you know? my last client meeting was zoom. my last 'social' interaction was a text from my sister asking if i could pick up some diapers for her. i think it's been weeks. maybe like three? four? and it just hit me tonight. like a fucking brick. i was just sitting here after everyone was asleep, scrolling through instagram of all things, and i felt this weird... emptiness? like a sensory deprivation chamber for my social needs. is that even a thing? like, social deprivation? i mean i'm not depressed i don't think. i'm not like, sad. just... *flat*. like my emotional range has been compressed. and then i started thinking about how i'm almost 30, right? not 'almost' exactly, i'm 32. but i feel like i should be out there, thriving, building my empire, having meaningful connections. instead i'm basically a solitary artisan who occasionally shouts at small children and elderly parents. i mean i don't even — whatever. it's just weird. i don't know what this feeling is. or what i'm supposed to do about it. if anything. just... felt like i needed to say it somewhere. into the void.