i just feel so weird about this like i'm honestly confused by my own reaction. so my grandma — not my mom, my grandma — she’s like 60s, retired, whatever, just got divorced last year and she's trying to get back into dating. like good for her, right? i told her go for it. but she was asking me about dating apps bc i use them sometimes for just like, hooking up, nothing serious obvi, but she wants to like meet someone. and she was like, "do i have to put a picture?" and i was like "duh, grandma, no one's gonna swipe on a blank profile" and she got all quiet. like SUPER quiet. and then she said she's worried about looking... "old." like she feels like she doesn't have a "youthful figure" anymore and that guys will just reject her straight up if she puts her actual picture. and i just like... froze. bc i know she's not wrong? like i see what's out there. it's all hot people, right? or at least people who are like, trying really hard to look hot. and she's not gonna do that. she just wants to be herself. but i also felt this SUPER intense like... DISSONANCE? like i wanted to tell her "don't be ridiculous, you're beautiful" but i also know that's not how it WORKS. like i felt this cognitive load just trying to reconcile what i felt with what i KNOW about these apps. i mean i don't even — whatever. like i'm just a student, living off ramen, trying to get through this semester without a breakdown. i have my own identity stuff to deal with, feeling like i'm not where i'm supposed to be at 30. and then she asks me this and it just... i dunno. it felt like a projection almost. like her insecurity suddenly became my own? but about something totally different. like am i gonna be sitting there at 60, feeling like i'm not enough for some app algorithm? it's just wild to me. the whole thing. i told her to just do it. like put a picture, be authentic. but i felt like a total hypocrite bc i'm literally airbrushing my own pics sometimes. like i'm part of the problem. and she looked at me and she just said "i don't want to be rejected for something i can't change" and i just... i couldn't even. like i didn't have a response. i just like, mumbled something about personality eventually winning and she just nodded. but she didn't look convinced. and neither was i, honestly. and now it's like 2 am and i can't sleep and i'm thinking about it and i just feel this like... profound unease. about how we're all being conditioned to present a certain way, and if you don't, you're just out of luck. and my grandma, who's lived this whole life, is still facing this. and i just... i don't want to be like that. i don't want to feel that kind of vulnerability just to like, find someone to have dinner with. it’s like a total existential crisis and i don't even know why. it’s just her dating profile. but it’s making me question everything.