You know sometimes you just feel like a big useless lump and like you're in the way and you don't really know why but it just sorta hits you like a truck and you think maybe it's just you but then you see other people online saying stuff like this and you think maybe it's not and then you feel even worse cause you’re like oh great I'm just another whiner but then you can't stop thinking about it anyway. Like I’m old, 62, and I worked my whole life, like hard work, manual stuff, hands all messed up now from it, and I thought when I retired it would be different, like I’d have all this time and my boys would call more and we’d do stuff, but they don't really. They're grown, got their own lives and all, and I get that, but like you just expect them to call sometimes, you know? Just a quick hey how's it going or whatever. And it’s not even like I don’t have anything to do, cause I pick up odd jobs, like whatever comes up, moving furniture for people or fixing stuff, cause you gotta pay the bills right, and it’s not steady money so I gotta hustle, which is fine, I'm used to that, but then I think maybe that's why they don't call cause I'm still working and they think I'm busy or something. Or maybe they think I'm a loser for still having to work even though I retired. And then you feel all this SHAME for even thinking that cause they’re good boys, they really are, and they’re busy, like really busy, with their own families and stuff, and you shouldn't expect them to drop everything just for you but still. It just feels like you’re waiting for something that never comes, and you don’t know how to say it without sounding like a total whiner, and you think maybe if you just keep busy enough you won’t notice it, but then it’s 2 AM and you’re just staring at the ceiling and you think about how quiet the house is and how long it's been since your phone rang for something good and not just some scam call or whatever. And you just wish you could go back to when they were little and they actually needed you and asked you stuff and like looked up to you and now you just feel like a ghost or something. Like they don't even know you're here. And you don’t want to be a burden but you just want to feel like someone cares a little, you know? Just a little bit.