you know sometimes you just look at your life after all these years and you wonder where all the time went like one minute you’re a young guy just starting out and then boom you’re staring at 60 and the days are all empty now that the job’s gone after what 40 years of getting up and going somewhere and now it’s just nothing like what am I supposed to DO with myself all day it’s not like I have a WIFE anymore or a big family that wants me around I got the kids half the time but they’re almost grown now and they got their own lives which is GOOD it’s what you want but it leaves you just sitting there with all this time and you start thinking about things all the things you did and all the things you didn’t do and I keep thinking about my mom you know she’s 88 now and she needs a lot of help getting around the doctors appointments the specialists the blood tests the physical therapy it’s a lot and my brother and sister they’re you know busy they have their important jobs their big houses their vacations they can’t just drop everything to take mom to the foot doctor or whatever and I GET it I really do they have responsibilities and they’re really successful which is GREAT for them but it always falls to me because I’m the one who’s AVAILABLE I’m the one who can just pick her up and sit in the waiting room for two hours you know and she likes it she likes having me there and I like being there for her it’s just sometimes I look at them my brother and sister with their important lives and I think about how much I’ve given up how much I just let go of because I was always the one who could and you just wonder if they even see it if they even notice how much I do how much I always HAVE done and I know it sounds like I’m complaining but I’m not really it’s just something you think about now that you have nothing but time to think you know like when you look back and you see all the choices you made and you wonder if you made the RIGHT ones or if you just let yourself get swept along by whatever was easiest or whatever everyone else expected of you and now I’m retired and the kids are grown and I’m taking my mom to every single appointment because my siblings are too busy and it feels like I’m just waiting for the next thing to DO for someone else and I don’t even know what I’d do for MYSELF anymore if I had the chance it’s a weird feeling to be this old and still not know what you’re supposed to be doing and you just wonder if it’s too late to figure it out or if this is just how it is now until the end