Why do I pretend not to enjoy sex with a partner?

It's common to mask your true feelings during sex for various reasons. Often, this behavior stems from a fear of judgment, a desire to protect a partner's feelings, or past negative experiences. Understanding these underlying fears can be the first step toward more authentic intimacy.

Research from the Journal of Sex Research suggests that a significant percentage of individuals, across genders, report faking orgasm or enjoyment during sexual activity at some point in their lives.

See other perspectives

Am I the only one who pretends not to enjoy sex with a partner?

Am I the Only One?

Does everyone pretend not to enjoy sex with a partner?

Does Everyone?

Is it normal to pretend not to enjoy sex with a partner?

Is It Normal?

Is it weird to pretend not to enjoy sex with a partner sometimes?

Is It Weird?

Real stories from the community

Not just the costume, you know, but the whole… *vibe* I do with the other grad students, the whole predatory intellectual dominatrix thing where I make them do extra research for me and they, like,… …

sexual shame

I dunno if this is even a real problem but I drew something the other day, just a quick sketch, and it made me feel like I was going to hell, you know? …

sexual shame

And everyone was, like, sharing these — stories, about like, their past flings and awkward dates and whatever, and I just sat there, laughing along, trying to seem engaged, but inside I was just…… …

sexual shame

Heavy equipment, moving earth, building stuff. …

sexual shame

Does everyone feel this disconnect, or is it just me, the ghost at the feast, pretending to belong? …

sexual shame

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I'm worried about hurting my partner's feelings?▾
Many people worry about how their partner will react if they're not enjoying sex. This concern, while understandable, can prevent open communication. Finding gentle ways to express your needs can strengthen your connection in the long run.
Could past experiences make me pretend during sex?▾
Yes, previous negative sexual encounters or feelings of shame can lead someone to fake enjoyment. These experiences can create a protective mechanism, making it difficult to be truly present and authentic during intimacy.
How can I stop pretending to enjoy sex?▾
Stopping this behavior often begins with self-reflection about the underlying reasons. Gradually, you can start small by noticing your true feelings and, when ready, communicate them gently to your partner, focusing on your own sensations and preferences.

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