I don't even know why I’m writing this, honestly. It’s 2 AM and I’m just… fuming. Like, shaking-my-head-at-the-wall angry, which is ridiculous because what am I even mad at? Myself? My friends? The entire concept of time? Probably all of it. This whole thing started, I guess, when I took this job, which seemed like a good idea at the time. Good pay, stable, right here in town, which is a big deal when you live out in the middle of nowhere like I do. But the hours… the hours are a nightmare. I’m a shift worker, so sometimes I’m on days, sometimes nights, sometimes weekends. It’s never the same. And I knew that going in, obviously, but I just didn’t realize how much it would screw everything up. And it has, it really has. My friends, all of them, pretty much, they’re all on these strict 9-to-5 schedules. And I get it, they have their routines, their weekends are sacred, their evenings are for unwinding. That’s how it works for most people, I know that. But it feels like they’ve just… forgotten about me. Or decided I’m too much of a hassle. I try, I really do. I send out texts, like, "Hey, I’m actually off Tuesday this week, anyone free for a hike?" or "My weekend actually starts Thursday evening, maybe we could grab a beer?" And the responses are always the same. "Oh, sorry, that’s my spin class night." Or "Can’t, got dinner plans with the in-laws." Or my absolute favorite: "Yeah, we’re doing our usual Sunday brunch, but you’re probably working, right?" Like, yeah, I probably am, but thanks for the invite, I guess? Thanks for reminding me I don’t fit. The worst part, I think, is that I feel like they’re judging me. Not explicitly, of course, no one’s going to say "Your job is inconvenient," but it’s there in the tone. The sigh when I explain I can’t make it to something because I’m on a night shift. The way they just move on with their plans without even really trying to include me, because "it’s too hard to coordinate." And I know this is a small town, everyone knows everyone else’s business, so it’s not like I can just go make a whole new set of friends who also work weird hours. Those people exist, sure, but they’re usually older, or have families, or are just… not who I connect with, you know? It feels like I’m stuck. I just want to yell at them sometimes. Yell, "It’s not my fault! I need to pay rent! This is my life right now!" But what good would that do? They’d just look at me like I’m being dramatic, or self-pitying. And maybe I am. I’m just so TIRED of feeling like an outsider in my own life, in my own friend group. Like I’m constantly having to apologize for my existence, for my schedule. I used to be the one who organized things, who got everyone together. Now I’m just… the one who might show up if the stars align and Mercury isn’t in retrograde. It’s isolating, that’s what it is. Like I’m living in a different timezone than everyone else, even though we’re in the same place. I see their Instagram stories, them all out together, laughing, doing the things we used to do, and I’m just… here. Alone. And it makes me so incredibly angry, and then I feel guilty for being angry, because they’re not doing anything wrong, technically. But it still SUCKS. It just really, really sucks. I hate this.