i just dont get it like really really dont get it someone i know older right like grandfather age is just... refusing to see a doc. every single day every day he's out there on this huge lawn mowing in the heat swears up and down it's just the summer making him tired making his ankles swell up but like his wife is literally BEGGING him to see a cardiologist i heard her she practically pleaded but he just laughs it off every time says he's fine he's always been this way this thing happens every summer. and it makes me so genuinely angry but also like confused. i dont understand the cognitive dissonance there. how do you just override all that clear evidence. its not like he's stupid or something he's always been really sharp with everything else but this one thing he's just so insistent it's nothing big. and im like studying all these things right now all these mechanisms of denial and self-deception and im seeing it play out in real time and it just messes with my head cause you think you'd apply the things you learn but it's like a totally different story when it's real and right there. i guess maybe it's just hitting me harder cause im at that point where everyone around me is like 'what are you doing with your life' and 'when are you gonna settle down' and im just trying to figure out which end is up with all this academic stuff all this future planning and then i see someone just completely ignore something so fundamental about their own body and it just makes me question everything. like if someone can be so blind to something so obvious what does that even mean for the rest of us. am i missing something huge too. am i just as bad in some other way. it makes me feel this weird... existential dread i guess. like the situation just feels so precarious and i dont know what to do with that feeling. it's not even my situation directly but it just keeps replaying in my head.