Anyone else ever feel like they’re just... wearing a costume? I’m forty-two and I’ve been on job sites since I was nineteen, and I think maybe I’m supposed to be the "rock" or whatever by now. The guy who knows where every piece of rebar goes and never flinches when a supplier messes up. But lately, I don't know. I feel like an actor in a play that’s gone on for twenty seasons too long. I’m tired of the *machismo*, the constant performative grit you have to show just to keep the guys in line. Does anyone else just feel... hollowed out? Today we had a minor snafu with the grade on the south side. Nothing major, honestly, just a few inches off, but it meant we had to pull the forms and start over. I could feel the guys looking at me, waiting for the Boss to bark or fix it or something. I just walked away instead. I ended up ducking behind the job trailer, leaning against the cold metal where the shadow was deep, and I... well, I wiped my eyes. I think I was crying? Not even because of the mistake. That’s the thing. It was just this sudden, *vacuous* feeling. I was thinking about this charcoal sketch I started years ago and never finished... it’s just something that would seem pathetic to everyone else here, I guess.