you ever just like... lie in bed after everyone else is asleep and it's just really quiet except for like your own heartbeat? and you're just listening to it thump thump thump and it's so LOUD in your ears and you're like wow this is it. this is literally the only thing keeping me alive right now. like it's just beating away without me even telling it to and it's so easy for it to just... stop. for good. and then what. just nothing. like you're just here one second and then you're not. and it feels so fragile. like if i just concentrated hard enough i could make it stop. or like someone could just come in and unplug me. and it’s not even like i’m thinking about anything bad or like being sad or anything. it’s just the pure fact of it. like a machine running inside of you and it could just break down whenever. and you’re just supposed to live with that? like you’re supposed to just GO to class tomorrow and do your homework and pretend everything is fine when this thing is just CHUGGING along in your chest and any second it could just decide it’s had enough. and it’s like... why isn't everyone else freaking out about this all the time? are they just better at ignoring it? am i broken for feeling this way? it's just a lot you know. like the thought just comes out of nowhere sometimes when i'm just trying to fall asleep after a long day of pretending to be an adult and dealing with stupid deadlines and fake smiles. and then it's like BAM. you're just a bag of bones and a squishy organ that could quit anytime. and then i just lay there with my eyes wide open listening to it and it just makes me feel so small and insignificant. like i'm just this temporary thing in a huge universe and it's all just gonna end so randomly. idk i just needed to get that out. it's kinda scary to even type it but it's like a weight.