I'm gonna sound so stupid, I guess, but I gotta get this out. My whole… like, brand? online? is zero waste. I mean, I *am* zero waste, mostly. We compost, we have the little fabric bags for groceries, I make my own deodorant from like, essential oils and baking soda. It's a whole thing. My husband, bless his heart, he's totally on board. He even remembers his reusable coffee cup for his commute now, most days. We even got interviewed for a local paper once about it. It’s important, you know? For the kids, for the planet. All that. But here’s the thing. In the basement, in a big plastic bin behind the old Christmas decorations, I have a secret stash. Scented candles. Not like, soy wax, lead-free wicks, organic essential oil, responsibly sourced, earth-friendly kinda candles. No. These are like, the SUPER cheap ones from the big box store. The ones that smell like fake vanilla bean or "autumn spice" or whatever. You know, the paraffin kind. With the kinda greasy, perfumey smell that just sort of hangs in the air. I can feel my blood pressure go up just typing this. It’s like, the ultimate hypocrisy, I guess. I mean, all the plastic from the packaging, the paraffin is just crude oil, the fake smells… everything I say I’m AGAINST. I only light them when he’s away on business. Which, thank God, is pretty often these days. He travels for work, like, twice a month sometimes. As soon as his car is out of the driveway, I go down there, pull out the bin, and light a couple. Usually the vanilla ones. The smell is SO strong, it kinda gives me a headache sometimes, but it’s also… comforting? I dunno. I just sit there in the living room, lights off, watching the little flames flicker, and I just… breathe it in. It feels like I'm doing something BAD, which is probably why I like it, I guess. It's just for me. And then before he gets back, I hide them again, open all the windows, and spray some kinda natural air freshener around. It's really stupid. I feel so guilty. But I also REALLY like them. What's wrong with me?