I'm just sitting here, 2 AM again, and the blue light from my screen is making my eyes hurt but I can't stop scrolling and just thinking about everything and nothing and it's a lot. I saw this ad for some volunteer thing in Bhutan, like for lawyers, pro bono work, and it just hit me, like a brick to the head, because I remember that email, that exact opportunity, came across my desk like five, maybe six years ago, and I ignored it. Like, totally ghosted the sender, and now I’m just… here. Back then, I was grinding, you know? Partner track, all that jazz, and everyone was like, "Oh, take it, it'll look good on your resume," but the senior partner, the big dog, he just gave me this look, like, "You really gonna risk your bonus for some monks in the Himalayas?" and I got the message, loud and clear. So I stayed, I billed those hours, I hit my targets, and I got that promotion, and the salary bump was NICE, like, REALLY nice, enough to buy a fancy watch and a car I barely drive and a condo I hate looking at sometimes. And I guess that's the thing, isn't it? The money is there, it's in the bank, it’s not going anywhere, but I feel like… what did I trade for it, you know? I mean, I'm not complaining, not really. It's just a thought, a nagging little voice in the back of my head that pops up when I'm staring at another spreadsheet or drafting another contract for some soulless corporation and it's all just numbers and clauses and no actual human connection, and I wonder what it would've been like, eating some weird food, learning a new language, actually HELPING people instead of just shuffling papers for the rich and getting richer myself and it just feels… empty. And I just keep telling myself, "It's fine, you're fine," but then I see something like that ad, and it just makes me wonder if I made the right call or if I just sold my soul for a bigger paycheck and now I'm stuck, just stuck here, in this perfectly nice, perfectly boring life.