I really messed up, you know? Like, spectacularly. And I’ve been sitting on this for… decades. Literally. I just had to get it out. I went to a good college, I was good at sports — played D1, almost went pro in one of those niche outdoor things, you know? Kayaking, but like, extreme. Whitewater. And I LOVED it. Every second. The cold, the sun, the feeling of just being out there, pushing it. It was my whole life, like my identity. Everyone thought I’d just... keep doing it. Coach, guide, whatever. And I WANTED to. More than anything. But then everyone started talking about job security, and pensions, and like, "a real career." My parents, my coaches even. And I got scared, I guess. So I took the safe route. A desk job. For the pension. And here I am. Forty-something. Sitting in this cubicle, staring at a screen, dealing with office politics and these stupid performance reviews where I have to pretend to care about "synergy" and "leveraging assets." It’s so soul-crushing. Like, literally. My body feels like it’s just… atrophying. I used to be so fit, so strong, and now I get winded walking up a flight of stairs. I see people my age, even older, still out there, coaching, living that life, and I just feel this gut punch of regret. Every. Single. Day. I watch those extreme sports documentaries and it’s like looking into an alternate universe where I made the right choice. It’s like, I sold my soul for a steady paycheck and a retirement plan that feels a million years away. And the worst part is, I can't even complain about it, you know? Because I chose it. I CHOSE it. And it's a "good job," everyone says. "Stable." "Responsible." But what about happy? What about alive? I just feel so trapped. Like, I missed my window. I see these young guys, fresh out of college, all fired up, ready to change the world, and I just think, "Don't do it. Don't take the easy way out." But I can't say that. I just sit here, quietly dying inside, dreaming about being back on the water, feeling the spray on my face, the adrenaline pumping… God, I miss it so much it HURTS. And I don’t know what to do. I just… don’t know.