ok so this is gonna sound super petty but i cant get it out of my head. like its eating me. we had choir practice the other night and old mrs peterson – you know, the one who’s been going to st marks since before i was born, like 78 at least – she suggested a hymn. a really old one, kinda obscure but pretty. and the music director, he just like... flicked his hand at her. like, a quick dismissive gesture. not even a word, just this little flick like shoo fly. and i know it was nothing, probably just a habit, but mrs peterson just kinda shrunk. like you could SEE it. and then he just moved on to the next thing like she never even spoke. and i know i shouldnt care but it just keeps playing in my head. i keep thinking about it because it reminds me of stuff at work, you know? like when you’re in a meeting and you try to say something and the boss just kinda looks through you or cuts you off. or worse, they let you talk and then just completely ignore what you said and go with someone else’s idea. and i always try to make sure my voice is heard, gotta get those metrics up, but sometimes you just get that look, that little hand wave, and it’s like... what’s the point? like you’re just wasting everyone's time. it makes me wonder if i'm becoming like mrs peterson, you know? like my ideas are gonna get dismissed too soon. or maybe i already am. and i know mrs peterson is old and probably doesnt have the best ideas for a modern church, but she’s been there FOREVER. she deserves some respect. and i keep thinking about my own parents, like sometimes they say things that are a little... out of touch, i guess. and i try to be patient but sometimes i just wanna move things along, you know? get to the point. and then i remember that little flick of the hand and i wonder if i'm doing that to them without even realizing it. or if my kids are doing it to me. like am i just an old lady now too, just waiting to be waved off? it just makes me feel kinda... small. like i need to prove myself all over again. and it’s ridiculous to feel this way over a hymn suggestion. but i cant shake it.