okay so anyone else just completely lose their shit over something so completely not what you'd expect to lose your shit over like it’s not even a big deal really but my brain just short circuited and now i feel like a fucking alien in my own head like i’m supposed to be the strong one the one who has it all together you know especially with my family the expectations are always there it’s like a hum in the background always just present my dad he built everything from nothing you know came here with literally pennies in his pocket and now he runs a whole contracting firm he’s built homes entire subdivisions schools hospitals you name it he's done it he's a legend back home he tells everyone what i do "my son he's a foreman he leads teams big projects" he’s so proud i can practically hear the emphasis in his voice through the phone it's like a heavy cloak sometimes honestly but i take pride in it too i really do i love the chaos the planning the problem solving seeing a foundation go from a hole in the ground to a finished structure a community almost it’s exhilarating truly but then the latest project finished last month the big commercial center the one we spent two years on the one that was supposed to be my biggest personal win like a huge stepping stone and it’s done and everyone’s moved on to the next thing everyone's bustling getting ready for the next bid the next crew the next site and i just… i feel this weird emptiness inside like a hollowed out space where all that adrenaline used to be and it’s been weeks and i can’t shake it i walk into the office and it’s quiet the foremen are all strategizing with dad and i just sit there staring at blueprints i don’t even care about like my brain is just refusing to engage with new things i had a small breakdown last week honest to god a full on internal implosion because i couldn’t find my favorite hard hat the one with all the stickers from different sites the one that’s been with me since i was practically an apprentice and i just started yelling in my empty apartment about it i mean actual yelling at an inanimate object and then i sat down and just cried i’m 31 years old and i cried over a hard hat it’s like my whole operating system just crashed or something i keep asking myself "what is wrong with you" but i don't even know what the question really means anymore is this like a thing some kind of post-project depression or something clinical because i’m not usually like this i’m the guy who’s always got a plan always on the go always pushing for the next thing the guy everyone relies on to get shit done and now i just feel… adrift like a ship without a rudder and it’s embarrassing and confusing and i don’t know what to do with this feeling anyone else ever feel completely lost after achieving something huge like the very thing you worked your ass off for just leaves you feeling… less? like my purpose just evaporated and now i’m just waiting for the next thing to grab onto or something and it’s not coming fast enough and i’m tired of waiting.