Okay. So. Anyone else ever feel like a complete and utter SHAM just for existing in a specific moment? Like, you're just doing a normal thing, a happy thing even, and then *bam* – this wave of just… sick to your stomach. Because that was me today. Or, well, earlier today. It’s 2am now and I’m still running through it, every single infuriating detail. The situation: my older sister, she’s back. After… everything. The whole painful, drawn-out *thing* with her ex. Packed up her life, moved back into our parents’ place, which means she’s around all the time, which is fine, great even, for her. Except it makes me feel like such an unbelievable ass. We were just sitting there, having tea – she was actually smiling, which felt like a win – and I, without even thinking, put my hand down on the table. And there it was. That thing. The ring. Sparkling away, catching the light like it was TRYING to be obnoxious. And I saw her eyes go to it. Just a quick glance, but it was enough. A flicker. Not sadness, not jealousy, just… something. Resignation, maybe. And the worst part is, she absolutely beamed, said it was beautiful, congratulated me again. And I just felt this *rage* bubbling up inside me. At myself. For having it. For being so oblivious. For the whole damn situation. Like, how can I be so happy, so excited, when someone so close to me just went through such a brutal, soul-crushing experience? I work my ass off, always hustling for the next freelance gig, worrying about rent, about health insurance – or lack thereof – and then I have this *thing*, this symbol of stability and future and *ease* that she just doesn’t have right now. And I know it’s not a competition, I know life isn’t fair, but I just… I can’t shake the feeling that I am fundamentally failing at empathy. That I should have hidden my hand, or apologized for its presence, or something. Am I the only one who gets this twisted up about being happy when someone else is clearly struggling? It feels profoundly unfair. And yet, what am I supposed to do? Take it off? Hide in a corner? I just keep seeing her face, that genuine smile, and then that flash in her eyes, and it just makes me want to scream.