Okay so this is probably stupid, not really a big deal but... anyone else ever feel like you're performing a whole-ass one-man show at the playground? Today was Elm Street Park, 10:17 AM. My son, Leo, bless his little heart, was obsessed with the red slide. Again. And I'm there, smiling, nodding, like Mr. Sunshine, chatting with Brenda from number 14 about school zones and the new organic juice bar. She was wearing Lululemon, head to toe. Meanwhile, my stomach is doing acrobatics over the electric bill – due yesterday – and the gas is coming up on Thursday. They sent the orange sticker, you know the one. I even saw Mr. Henderson from down the street, he’s a bank manager, and I swear he looked at me like he KNEW. Or maybe I’m just projecting my own impending doom onto his innocent gaze. It’s wild, the amount of energy it takes to pretend everything is... *fine*. It’s not like I’m sitting around all day, you know? I’m hustling. I had a huge gig lined up, web design for this start-up, really good money, but then they "pivoted" and suddenly my retainer was just... gone. Poof. Like my savings. Now it’s just bits and pieces – a logo here, some social media graphics there. No benefits, obviously. No sick days. Not that I’d take one, I’d just work through it. Because the alternative... well. The water bill is $147.23. Electric $212.89. Gas is usually around $80-90 but it’s getting colder so that’ll spike. Plus Leo needs new shoes, his current ones have a hole in the sole, a literal hole. I was looking at them while he was on the monkey bars, little scuff marks all over the blue fabric. I mean, it’s not the end of the world, right? People have it way worse. I just... I don’t know. Is it just me, or do you ever just wish you could scream into the sandbox and then just... evaporate? Or maybe, just maybe, someone would look at your effortlessly smiling face and be like, "Hey man, you look like you need $500, no strings attached." One time I actually dreamt that happened, a lady in a bright yellow hat just handed me a wad of cash. Woke up feeling so... stupid. Then Leo was asking for Cheerios and I had to make coffee and then it was time for the park. Again. Anyone else ever just... fake it till you make it, and then realize you're still faking it, but you're not making it anymore? And you're just... stuck? Yeah. Me too. Or maybe just me. Probably just me.