Sometimes you just hit this wall, you know? Like, everything’s supposed to be fine now. Mom’s gone. It was… a long time. Years. Every single day, every day, it was something. The calls, the doctors, the bills. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t love her but part of you is just… relieved. And then you feel like a TOTAL ASSHOLE for feeling that way, even for a second. And now you’re supposed to go back to being… you. But who the HELL even is that anymore? You look in the mirror and it’s like, who’s this tired old f*ck staring back? And you don’t even know what you’re doing with your hands anymore, all that time you used to spend… doing things for someone else. And then you try to get back into it. Try to be normal, try to talk to people. Like at work. You know that feeling when you just want to connect, right? Like, real talk. I tried this the other day, with these new profs, young guys, sharp as hell but… whatever. I’m seventy-two, right? Been here forever. So I tried to jump in, throw out some ideas about what I’m working on, something new, exciting stuff. And they just… glazed over. Like I was talking about knitting or something. And then they immediately started talking about each other’s research. ONLY each other. Like I wasn’t even there. Like I was a ghost already, standing right in front of them. It was like they couldn’t even HEAR me. It’s just… it makes you feel so small. Like all that work, all that time, it just evaporated. And you wonder if that’s it, if you’re just done. If the world just moves on and you’re supposed to just… fade out. And you have all this experience, all these ideas, but nobody wants to hear it. Because you’re not twenty-five, you’re not thirty-five, you’re just… old. And suddenly you feel completely invisible. And you just want to scream. But you don’t, you just stand there, smiling like a damn idiot, pretending you didn’t even notice. And then you come home and just stare at the wall. And it’s only 2am and you can’t sleep because you’re still so PISSED OFF. But you can’t tell anyone. Because then you’re the old bitter one. And you don’t want to be that. So you just keep it all inside. Every single day.