i still think about that championship game sometimes and it was decades ago you know like it just pops into my head when im trying to fall asleep or whatever and i can still feel that stupid trophy in my hands and it felt so fucking heavy but not in a good way more like a brick my best friend mark he was bways a better player than me the real deal you know the one everyone watched but he got some stupid injury right before the finals and the coach benched him the whole game like the ENTIRE game he just sat there on the sidelines watching us win and i scored the winning shot that day and everyone was cheering and carrying me around and all i could think about was mark sitting there like a ghost and when they handed me that stupid shiny thing all i wanted to do was smash it on the ground or give it to him but i just stood there smiling like an idiot because what else was i supposed to do you cant just ruin everyones celebration even if it feels completely wrong its funny bc now im back in school trying to learn new shit and there are so many of these kids who are so driven and so focused and i just wonder what theyll look back on and feel guilty about later like will they ever get that feeling of winning something that feels like a loss i still dont know if i should have just thrown that thing or said something to the coach like what the hell was i thinking not sticking up for him but i was just a kid and i just wanted to win i guess and now its just another thing i cant seem to shake even after all this time and all this living