you know that feeling when you just see something and it hits you like a brick in the gut like you’re scrolling aimlessly at two in the morning because sleep is a joke with an alarm set for 5 AM to check on Mom and then help her get dressed before the aide comes and you just happen to see it a screenshot of a group chat vibrant with laughter and inside jokes and plans for a weekend getaway that look AMAZING and it’s your old college friends the people you spent every waking moment with for four years the ones who swore you’d be lifelong friends and you’re not in it you’re not invited it’s not even that they’ve forgotten you it’s worse than that it’s like they actively remembered you but decided to exclude you you see Sarah’s name and Mark’s and even Karen who you honestly thought you hated during senior year but hey they included her and not you and it’s not just one person it’s all of them all the people you thought you knew so well the ones who saw you through your worst breakups and celebrated your smallest victories you just stare at it for a long time the bright colors of their chat bubbles almost mocking you you scroll through their excited messages about flights and Airbnbs and dinners and you can practically hear their laughter from here and you just think about how you used to be right there in the middle of it all the one planning the parties the one making sure everyone felt included and now you’re just you alone in your quiet apartment with the faint sounds of your mother’s restless sleep in the next room it’s not even about the trip itself it’s about the exclusion the silent but undeniable message that you’re not one of them anymore and you try to tell yourself it’s because you’re busy with Mom that you haven’t had time to keep up but that’s just a lie you know it is you’d make time you’d MAKE time if they just asked if they just remembered you but they didn’t and you just sit there with this dull ache in your chest wondering what you did wrong and why you always end up on the outside looking in