Why do I dread family gatherings because of chores?

Many people feel a sense of obligation to contribute when visiting family, often leading to a disproportionate mental load or actual work during gatherings. This isn't about laziness, but often stems from unspoken expectations, historical roles, or a desire to avoid conflict. The anticipation of these tasks can overshadow the joy of connecting with loved ones.

Research into family dynamics suggests that perceived inequity in household labor is a significant source of strain in many relationships, including those within extended families.

See other perspectives

Am I the only one who dreads family gatherings because of chores?

Am I the Only One?

Does everyone dread family gatherings because of chores?

Does Everyone?

Is it normal to dread family gatherings because of chore expectations?

Is It Normal?

Is it weird to dread family gatherings because of chore expectations?

Is It Weird?

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Frequently Asked Questions

How can I stop feeling resentful about doing chores at family events?▾
Consider having a quiet conversation with a family member before the event to discuss how tasks might be shared more equitably. Sometimes, simply knowing there's a plan can reduce resentment. Focus on what you can control, like offering to bring a dish that requires minimal kitchen prep upon arrival.
Is it normal to feel exhausted after family visits that involve a lot of work?▾
Absolutely. Physical labor combined with the emotional energy of social interaction can be very draining. It's common to feel depleted, especially if you've taken on a larger share of the household responsibilities than others.
What if my family expects me to always do the same chores?▾
Family dynamics often establish routines and roles that become ingrained over time. If you consistently find yourself in the same chore-related role, it might be a good time to gently suggest rotating tasks or asking for help from others. Sometimes, people are simply following an established pattern without realizing the impact it has.

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