i feel so bad like REALLY bad and i dunno who to even tell this to like nobody gets it i got married last weekend to my boyfriend we been together like forever since college or whatever and everyone always asked when we gonna get married when when when so we finally just did it you know it was a big deal like my mom she went ALL OUT with the wedding dress and the venue and the flowers everything was SO EXPENSIVE like i know it was for me but also kinda for her too to show off to her sisters and stuff it was in this super fancy hotel downtown a real downtown wedding you know like big city vibes and my partner he was like whatever you want honey and i just kept saying yes yes yes but i also felt kinda weird the whole time like it wasn't really ME even though it was my wedding the day itself was a blur honestly like people everywhere taking pictures my makeup was perfect my hair was perfect everyone kept saying how beautiful i looked how happy i looked and i was happy yeah but it was like a happy that wasn't MINE it was like i was performing happy for everyone else and then the reception was crazy loud music dancing food everywhere it was fun in a way but also exhausting and i just kept thinking about when i could finally take my shoes off my feet were KILLING me from the heels like all night i just wanted to sit down and chill out but no it was like constant movement constant smiling constant talking to people i barely even know then sunday morning we woke up in the hotel suite it was HUGE all white and gold and fancy and i just remember sitting there on the bed still in my silk robe drinking coffee and looking around at all the stuff we had to pack up all the leftover decorations my bouquet was sitting on the table it cost like a THOUSAND DOLLARS no joke and i just stared at it and felt this like wave of really deep sadness not even like crying sadness just this HEAVY feeling in my stomach like a rock and i dunno why like everything was supposed to be perfect i just married the man i love we have a nice apartment we're gonna go on this super expensive honeymoon next month but all i could think was oh my god it's OVER it's done and it's still there like this feeling that something is just wrong like i should be over the moon you know everyone else expects me to be over the moon but i just feel this weight this like emptiness and i look at the pictures on my phone and everyone looks so happy so genuinely happy and i feel like a fraud like i tricked everyone because deep down i just feel kinda numb and i keep thinking about how much everything cost and i just feel guilty like all that money for what just for me to feel this way and i can't tell anyone like my partner would be so hurt my mom would FREAK OUT so i just keep it inside and pretend everything is great but it's not and i don't know what to do